Dream of Invocation

I was fucked on the way from Wuhan to Guangzhou south, my loved  MAC was stolen when I opened my bag the next day, instead there were 2 magazines,  can’t imagin how the bloody thief did that and took it away. I was carefully all the way, but accident did happened. However, it might be another lesson though in this society, where there is no security, pricipal or even body safety. I should depend entirely upon myself, otherwise there will be endless unexpectation keep coming in my next journeys. It seems everyone is in rush, everyone lives under strong pressure. There are many extrordinarily important data that I never backed up in the hard drive, so they lost forever. Can’t read financial news, economic activities, or even check my personal email and instant message. But in that morning, perfect peace and quiet was left for me in such big office, My brain was empty with too much load, it took me back to the past memories in U.K. with friends, when were all happy, had dreams, travelled, and a lot to strike for. I hope they could happen again, indeed I do.

Selina told me maybe god was blessing you away from evils that moment, don’t worry, you are safe and it is important. Thanks to her who gives me strengh when I was weak.

Stayed 3 year there, the most impressed time was the last year when I fell I was myself, studied, cooked, drank, traveled, cried, argued, shopped, ironed, smoked of course. I found myself totally enjoyed that kind of mixture, even intended to continue phd studies. Compared to the first 2 years,  when I was easily refusing things that I was not familiar; I stayed with myself most of the time in the 3rd year. Even the living room was small, I was quite at home with the bed, wardrobe, desk, washing basen and the mirror. I cooked almost everyday if I was not in exam time, smoked in the front door of house 5, Hillside Court, chatted with the indian guy, italian boy, french beauty, english gay, and the turkish girl; they were all kind except the english who was quite cheap and enjoyed free food so much. They sent me cards with their wishes before I left the country. Oliver came to study with me when exams were approaching, all he wanted was to improve his academic grades, however, he failed. So after graduation, it seemed he disappeared.

But now, I’m lost again, everywhere is over populated, there is too much change any moment before solid systems will be formed in a long future. Fell I’m not the one when I was in Reading town, little paid with the current work. But what shall I do? People don’t have too much choice here, all I can do is to deceive myself and accept what is called “you are building your foundamental, no one reaches to the top in one day”, am I dreaming of the top? No, not all, all I want is what I deserve. Frencesco the Italian guy who shared the same house with me told me I deserved success, even if I maybe will success in one day, but how can I be myself if I never enjoyed my life?

Post a Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.